A Tranny Close to Home

November 27, 2012

In the last year, my lovely Lesbian niece, “L,” began a new relationship. She lives on the opposite coast from me, and so I hadn’t met the new flame until recently, at my family reunion. I had, though, become Facebook friends with her. While glancing through New Love’s FB Friends, I was astonished–and shocked–to see the name and photo of one of the more notorious M2Ts, a young pornographer and Pretendbian, who fancies himself not just a woman, but a butch Lesbian. And who perhaps coined the sick term “ladystick” for the dick he has proudly kept, and believes he is entitled to force actual Lesbians who are real women to submit to sexual assault with.

I fired off a message to New Love, asking her whether this was an actual friend of hers, or maybe just (I hoped) an error, or a friend of friends of friends, or a client, or just what. She answered that yes, Mr. Butch, an infiltrator and perpetrator who violates any women’s space he possibly can, is indeed a friend. And that she, N.L., considers herself an “ally.” And, by the way, as a hairdresser, is responsible for the mess on Mr. Butch’s head, which makes him look as if he’s been sleeping so soundly that pigeons have taken up residence in his hair.

I told her in a few sentences that this little prick is one of my most despised enemies, and that although he knows nothing about me, or even my name, I have made it my business to know all that I can about HIM.

“Well, this should be an interesting conversation,” she replied.

I summed up my horror at this boy’s actions, hatred of women, disrespect, etc., and all she had to say was, “Well, he prefers to be called ‘she.'”

“And I prefer to be called ‘Your Royal Majesty,’ but that doesn’t make me the Queen of England,” one of my snappier retorts to that delusionary mindset.

And so we met. N.L.is a big woman, with many facial piercings and many tattoos, and probably at least 30 years younger than I. She wears rather femmy clothes, loves to cook, and is very good to my niece. And that is what I know about her.

As the weekend wore on, N.L. and I managed to avoid one another for the most part. I began to question whether it would do either one of us any good to actually HAVE that conversation. I was having a lovely time with my sisters and one dear brother and their children. We made music together, went fishing, talked and talked and talked, and I gradually let go the idea that anything I had to say might make a difference to N.L. from the left coast.

It’s been my experience that if someone is schooled enough in Transspeak to call herself an “ally,” chances are that nothing I do or say would change her mind. The Koolaid had clearly been drunk, her mind most certainly made up. I was just an old auntie of her girlfriend, and Mr. Butch imposter was actually a friend of hers, after all.

And so I let it go.

Later on, N.L. asked me if I would be interested in coming out west to perform at a gathering she organizes, which she said was “for women only.”

“And what does that mean to you, for women only?” I asked. I got the answer I expected; women, transwomen, anyone who “identifies” as a woman.

“So if the man who raped you walked in and told you he identifies as a woman, you’d let him in?”

(Much clearing of throat and hesitation)

“That’s a different issue.”

I said, “What makes it different? He IDENTIFIES as a woman. What more evidence do you need?”

“That’s just ridiculous.”

“OK. You think it over, and tell me what makes this boy a woman. His hair? His voice? His ‘ladystick’? Or is it merely his statement to you?”

The weekend wore on, and N.L. never answered the question. She never brought it up again. I never brought it up again. I wanted her to feel comfortable with us, her family. I wanted my niece to know that I was not her enemy. Most of all, I didn’t want to spend the weekend lecturing. I wanted to enjoy the people I love the most in the world, and I wanted to let it alone for a few days. But I was never unaware of this political stance. I never stopped thinking about it. And it is, still, the first thing i think of when I think of N.L.

My niece, however, has been open to things I send her about this issue. She doesn’t say much, but she does, at least, read. And I think she has a fundamental understanding of just what it means to say that transgenderism is the antithesis of feminism. The two are mutually exclusive. And this MEANS something.

And Mr. Pretenbian? He’s still writing blogs, standing up for felons who want out of male prisons by claiming they are now ‘women.’ Still making porn. Still raising money for more porn. And still lecturing radical feminists about how horrible we are. This from a man who was raised by two Lesbians.

When N.L. gives me an answer to my question, I’ll let you know. But take my advice. Don’t hold your breath.

 

 

 

Advertisements

17 Responses to “A Tranny Close to Home”

  1. MarySunshine Says:

    Kitty, that’s so wonderful that you spoke up. It has already had the desired effect of protecting your niece, of letting her know that there is someone there in her female corner.

    It will likely not affect N.L.’s friendship with pretendbian, nor result in any change in the attendance at the planned gathering.

    I wonder if pretendbian will catch wind of the remarks you made at your re-union, and if an issue will be made of it.

  2. KittyBarber Says:

    I will let you know if I hear of anything on the wind…


  3. LOL, enough clues in there as to which Pretendbian it is.
    Oh dear.

  4. silverside Says:

    My cousin’s daughter identifies herself as pansexual. I still don’t get what this means in her case. Maybe she doesn’t know herself. Oy, this younger generation….


    • Argh, “pansexual” because “bi-sexual” just ain’t trendy and hip enough. Basically my reply is “so, you fuck anyone or anything eh?”

      • Lizzy Shaw Says:

        Yep, that’s it right there. The concept of pansexuality is used to shame bisexuals for not being “gender-inclusive” enough in who they sleep with. It’s a load of bullshit.

        Ditto goes for the millions of special snowflake sexual orientations that show up on tumblr or the trans umbrella, which includes eunuchs and all the genderspecial identities. It’s like, you were mutilated so you must be trans now!

  5. radicalwoman Says:

    Reblogged this on radicalwoman and commented:
    I said, “What makes it different? He IDENTIFIES as a woman. What more evidence do you need?”

    “That’s just ridiculous.”

    “OK. You think it over, and tell me what makes this boy a woman. His hair? His voice? His ‘ladystick’? Or is it merely his statement to you?”

    This is the point at which trans and trans “allies” usually just begin yelling, because they haven’t got an answer.
    When attempting to talk common sense to them, I use an example of something that actually happened to me to illustrate the problem with their position: an angry male-identified male who was invading a woman’s space I was in – while he was drunk – because he “loved the sisters” and wanted the feeling of alpha male among his harem. We repeatedly ejected him and after a few minutes he began whining that “he was a woman trapped in a man’s body, why wouldn’t we let him in?!”

    I explain to them that by their rules – the rules of “no reasonable standards whatsoever on which to base womanhood” – you cannot keep out any male for any reason. They have discovered the “password” to invade our space and that password is “I’m really a woman”.
    No trans or trans ally has answered this for me adequately. They resort to name-calling or weak justifications like “well maybe the guy really DID feel like a woman!” (He was a known sexual predator in the community who usually bragged about his manliness.) They can’t answer because the reality is they have no way to keep rapist, abusive men out.

    I’ve offered a compromise position to trans, long ago: come up with a definitive standard that we can agree on for the truly sincere transitioners and let born women decide on an individual basis if said trans has learned enough female socialization to be accepted. Of course this was rejected flat out. Why? Because it lets women, who were born female, lived their entire lives as female, and actually know what it’s like to be female, be the “gatekeepers”. We are told we can’t be the gatekeepers of the concept “woman”. Only trans are the gatekeepers, but trans have destroyed the gate!

    • tophergonzalez Says:

      This is a bad example. Even if that guy were a woman you would have the right to not let her invade your space. In other words, whatever you want to call him, it’s of no consequence to the conflict at hand.

      • KittyBarber Says:

        A bad example? These people have been invading our spaces–women-only spaces, including bathrooms, locker rooms,, festivals, meetings, groups–since they realized they could. This is ONE example of many, many, many just like it. We have NO rights, as far as the trans-whatevers are concerned. THEIR rights are more important, every time. It’s a con, a lie, and it is wrong. Can you give us a better example?

      • tophergonzalez Says:

        @KittyBarber. I was replying to radicalwoman. Your reply doesn’t address the reasons I gave for it being a bad example. My point is that anyone should be able to exclude anyone from their personal space even if they literally are other women. In other words, the fact that he was male or a trans woman or whatever shouldn’t really matter in terms of whether or not you have the right to keep him out of your space.


  6. […] KittyBarber asks the pointed question: is anyone female just because they say so? Should we accept trans people’s claims just because they claim being of a given sex? […]

  7. Lizzy Shaw Says:

    Yikes! Well, I’m glad that your niece at least is open to reading what you send to her. I think I figured out who the pretenbian was, and wow is he awful. I will say it is possible to get out of the trans cult. For a long time in college, it was not an issue I thought about much. I don’t think that deep down I truly believed you could change your sex, but in the alphabet soup organization I was in I played along because it was the proper thing to do and because I figured anyone willing to dose themselves with hormones must be miserable. It was near the end of my undergrad career that I started noticing something was off. I had a pretendbian try to convince me to make-out with him (although he later apologized). Then the cotton ceiling crap happened and then all the “uterus bearers” crap happened. I also started to realize that the majority of trans people weren’t homosexuals, but that heterosexual men who want to be lesbians and who have no concept of boundaries are the ones leading this movement.

    Anyway, I was always the kid who would want to read something if I was told not to read it. I was fortunate in that I grew up in a house that had books everywhere and my parents encouraged reading at a young age. I have an uncle who would always take my brother and I to the used book stores when we saw him. So, when all the stuff on tumblr about “delete this terf post” started to happen, I wanted to read the terf posts. I wanted to read the books that I heard were written by bad evil women.

    What I’m saying is that it is possible to leave. I have now rejected the bs notion that “woman” is an identity in a man’s head, rather than the biological reality meaning “adult human female”. I’ve also rejected other liberal feminist beliefs like the idea that prostitution is empowering. It is possible to un-drink the Koolaid.

    Besides, any movement that requires so much anti-intellectualism won’t last. An example is the efforts to ban “Gender Hurts”. If the trans movement is so valid, there would have been no need to tell people not to read that book or to make up shit that wasn’t in the book. Similarly, there would have been critique of the book from someone who actually read it, instead of this asshole whose review basically resorts to cheap personal attacks (as brilliantly deconstructted by Heath Russell: http://nymeses.blogspot.com/2014/06/dallas-dennys-first-glance-of-gender.html

    Sorry for my rambling on an older post in your blog, but that is my two-cents.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: